I'm sure at some point Y/you have tried a bit of a kink, dressed in a collar for fun, an outift or uniform to turn someone on, hell with the laws as they are anything but missonary position can be considered a kink. However with all new things if you want to try you should ask for advice from somoene experienced in the field or else research it and movies are not your best source unless they are made for that reason. While Hollywood can make it look fun or dangerous, you have to remember your watching something made for the purpose of making money, not educating you. Look at those movies of racing and motorcycle stunts, it takes years to be able to do that properly and if you try you can cripple or kill yourself, and despite your thoughts BDS&M can do the same to you.
Simple bondage can be fun and simple for A/any and A/all. But if you do things wrong it's not hard to dislocate joints, and pending what you did choke someone to death. And god forbid if you are drunk and inexperienced, I know O/one experienced couple that the Dom tried something when drunk and the girl had to be hospitalizded over night as she was almost choked to death.
Floggers and whips look so easy and fun on TV, consider this. If you ever heard or seen a real bull whip you will see it sounds Nothing like on TV. A whip is easy to make a nice loud crack, but if you don't use your wrist just right when you make that crack the tails can come back to you. When I first got my bullwhip I had no idea what I was doing and tried the "Indiana Jones" whip crack, there was the satisfying crack alright but the motion of my arm after bringing the tail out infront of me pulled it right back at my face. It cut my cheek open and that was a light swing. Over the years my practice has helped me to the point I can give someone 20 lashes, make them uncomfortable but never leave a mark on thier back, or I can make one sharp crack and cut paper out of your hands. But if you don't know what your doing and bring a whip across someone's back you can leave a bad skin burn, or a deep cut pending your whip, and what's more is with the spine being so exposed you can cause nerve damage.
Y/you can't say that if someone is into Domination/submission they are "not right in the head", true that for a long while the medical experts considered an interest in BDS&M a mental illness or "wrong". But it has come to my attention in the last couple of years a board sat down and reviewed the medical dictionary of mental illnesses, and the interest in BDS&M was removed from that list as it's become so widely popular and socially acceptable. And here's proof you cannot call A/all in the BDS&M community mentally sick and untrustable.
90% of the Doms/subs I know have a military background in one form or another.
- They have been in the service and enjoyed being controlled in that manner and realize they need the control over thier every day life to feel safe.
- They have been in the service and enjoyed having control over other people and wish to bring that control to thier everyday life.
- They have had a parent in the military and are used to the strict command of a loved one and it will extend to the loved one in thier life that fills the void.
- They have a spouce in the military and hoped to have a bit of strict control over them but find the spouce can't extend the control outside of the service so ask for an outside source and in alot of cases the spouce will accept the outside control with the ability to limit the contact.
So if A/all interested are so sick, twisted and can't be trusted, your screwed when you can't accept the military *laughs*.
Despite this Dom/sub lifestyle is not about being a controling monster over the submissive, yes some people can do that and the image of the domestic abuse family comes to mind. However if things are done properly you are dealing with a deeper level of trust than M/most deal with. Pending on the level of Dom/sub you deal with you can be trusting your Dominate with your life, and i'm sure Y/you have all had a point when the O/other gave you a large ammount of trust on a matter and it's made you feel good inside. Now imagine that feeling daily as you know that you have someone in your life that will nightly or daily if not always just hand thier life into your hands for you to mold as you wish to make you happy. The knolwege of that person being made happy by what you do I'm sure will make you feel happier and better inside as well.
At all times you should have safe works, a simple word that when said the "Scene" stops immediately for safety both mentally and physically, yes poorly done Dom/sub matters can cause extreme mental trauma. If you have been tied up and abbused by someone and it hurt and scared you, I doubt your easilly going to ask someone to tie you up and do it again. Sometimes these mental blocks can be over come, but you need to build the all important trust between the two of Y/you. Y/you two need to sit down and talk things out before the whole things starts and establish a list of guidlines, in time Y/you can revise these guides and include things that Y/you want to try, or have tried and didn't like and want removed. When a Trainer becomes involved A/all three need to sit down and talk this over seriously, for the saftey of the trainer legally a "contract" of sorts should be drawn up and they can even be found online for an idea of how to do one. This contract will be in place for a few reasons, if the Dom/sub becomes unhappy the contract can be renegotiated, and pending how bad the Trainer messes up it can be used as a legal document if god forbid it goes to court for damages.
Well the Dom/sub thing is all about sex, wrong, while several do incorporate it into sex, it can be worked into your everyday life. Have you ever had doubt over an issue or a want to have someone approve and guide you on a topic or tough decision, that's a minor form of submission. A C/couple I worked with for 6 years has had this issue, I worked with them online for the longest time and finally they paid me to go live with them for 2 1/2 months to train the wife. I spent 2 1/2 months there while he was away and never once did I have sex with her, I taught her the forms of submission that were pleasing, erotic, and subtle that could be done in public. The whole purpose of Dom/sub lifestyle is the trust and enjoyment of it for both, she likes her clothes chosen for her to excite or entertain Him. How many men out there like thier women dressing up sexy to watch men drool over her at the bar or at the mall? Simple small things to show love and trust for you such as wearing a symbolic necklace between the two of you knowing that she wears it to show she is His, in mind body and soul. Doing chores around the house knowing He likes the house clean and he's happy with a clean house, making him meals knowing he likes it when she does home cooking. Small Non-Sexual issues that make him enjoy the marriage and being with her, things that make her feel good knowing it's making him happy and proud.
People into BDS&M are into pain and blood sport. Okay that has Some truth into it, Sadism itself means you get pleasure from huting people, masochism means you love being hurt. I myself hate hurting people, don't get me wrong a sub crosses me they will not be happy it happened, but I'm not going to just grab a whip and go after them because I want a laugh. Now I have delt with a few "pain slaves" that the whippings and rough treatment turns them on and can increase thier sexual arrousal and pleasure, however 90% of them you will find don't like being hurt to the point of bleeding and set limits. Despite being a submissive they are a person and have rights.
This is a sensitive topic to Me and O/others I know. If Y/you see something you question or have more rumors and myths you are unsure of feel free to ask. Want help with Y/your own curiosity with the issue, feel free to ask and I'll try and help or find someone that can.
